


Being Too Far Gone

by sleepypercy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cuddling, Depression, M/M, Non-Sexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 14:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13296828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepypercy/pseuds/sleepypercy
Summary: It's been three months since Jensen moved to Dallas, three months since he'd left behind a messy breakup, and over three months since he can remember being happy.When he comes across an ad for professional cuddling services, Jensen's skeptical but decides to give it a shot and meets Chris Evans.





	Being Too Far Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Brandon ♥
> 
> *I am far from an expert on professional cuddling services. I cobbled together some information from various articles and websites where it seems these services can set up their own rules and standards. Also, Chris may not always exactly follow his own company rules.

Leaning against the bar counter, Jensen waves over one of the bartenders. “Hey, has anyone done a soundcheck for tonight?”

“Not yet,” Danneel answers. “We’ve been a bit busy cleaning up the mess last night’s crew left us. You want me to do that right now?”

Jensen makes a small aggravated groan. “Dammit – I’ll talk to Chad,” he promises. “Again. And no, that’s alright, I’ll do it. I think one of the speaker cords is damaged, I was gonna check it out. You ready to open?”

“We sure are, boss,” Danneel answer with a wink. “You gonna play something for soundcheck? Do you take requests?”

“We already talked about this, Dani,” Jensen says in faux sternness. “No ‘Wonder Wall’. Not in my bar.”

“Whatever you say, boss,” Danneel says breezily as she goes to unlock the front door.

The band they’d booked for that night is one Jensen scouted during the Dallas Food Festival a few months back. He’d loved them and had managed to get close enough to give them his card and offer a gig at his bar – although it’s not really ‘his’ bar as it is his cousin’s bar that he’s managing. He’d been assistant manager before at their first location in Austin, and when they’d decided to open another location in Dallas, they’d offered him a chance to manage and open the new location. At that point, there had been nothing left for Jensen in Austin anyway.

As expected, the music that night is good, and when the music’s good, the drinks flow faster. The only trouble that night is when one of his bartenders has to cut off some guy who insists he can handle one more drink, and he ends up making a pretty big scene. With a little charisma and unwillingness to waver on bar policy, Jensen manages to get the guy’s friends to bring him back to their table and get some food and water (and sense) into him.

By the end of the night, Jensen is both amped up and exhausted. After shaking hands with the band and telling them they are welcome anytime, Jensen makes some notes to himself for tomorrow to check his stock and talk to Chad during the guy’s next shift. Then he makes sure his staff is okay to clean up and close, and he heads home.

Most of his things are still in boxes, stacked in piles in his living room, kitchen, and guest room. He’s been meaning to unpack for a while but… he also doesn’t really want to. Something in him in uneasy, like everything’s still temporary, like he doesn’t quite belong here. He should be happy. He has his dream job, a nice apartment, he lives in a good city with lots to do. His employees are fantastic, and he gets along with everyone. He just… misses everyone back in Austin, people he’s known all or most of his life.

He doesn’t really know what to do on his own, although he hasn’t been trying that hard either. Just before he’d left, things had gotten really messy, and he thought it would feel so great to leave that behind and start over.

It doesn’t.

He can’t sleep, so he turns on the Food Network, cozies himself into the couch with some pillows and a lap blanket, and salivates over slow cooked barbecue and beer battered fish and chips.

*&*

He wakes up with a crick in his neck and a very empty stomach. He forgot to eat last night, not for the first time. Although there’s nothing to eat in the house anyway. He needs to go shopping.

After a quick shower, he wraps himself in a coat and scarf and heads out to find some coffee.

There’s a place just a couple blocks from his apartment that he likes. It’s local and not too busy and can make him something that doesn't require foam and cinnamon. He cradles a cup in front of him, letting it warm his fingers as it settles in his stomach and helps him come back to life.

Sighing, he tries to figure out if he’s got the energy to go grocery shopping and maybe pick up a bath mat and possibly a bookcase or something so he actually has a place to put his books and random trinkets. But probably not. Maybe he’ll do it his next day off.

He’s on his way to the bathroom when a flyer catches his eye in the hallway. And it’s not that he’s interested, but he can’t help stopping to read after seeing the headline: PROFESSIONAL CUDDLER. Is that even a real thing? 

_ We provide friendly services to anyone looking for human connection. Cuddling, conversation, friendly massages, or platonic hangout sessions are all acceptable. Call us for more information and to schedule an appointment. In-home preferred but arrangements can be made for alternate locations. _

That is… ridiculous. Why would anyone pay for hugs? Jensen chuckles and continues on to the bathroom, rolling his eyes and wondering what kind of strange, lonely people would use that service. He thinks about bringing it up to Danneel and Josh, just for laughs.

*&*

The night is so busy that doesn’t have time to bring it up, and he’s again exhausted when he gets home, although he manages to make it into bed this time. 

When he gets up, he makes the trek out to the coffeeshop and appreciatively sips his coffee and lets the caffeine wake him up. In his sluggish mindset, he remembers the flyer down the hallway, and somehow the idea of actually calling them wisps into his mind. It takes a few minutes for him to even let himself consider it hypothetically, but when he finally allows himself to take it seriously, he realizes he’s more interested than he would have imagined. It might… be a nice reprieve. In three months, Jensen hasn’t felt part of anything, hasn’t felt connected to anyone. He can’t keep going this way. And something as simple as just touching another person, being touched, could be... therapeutic. It’s probably not that different from getting a massage, right?

Still unsure, Jensen pulls out his cellphone and calls up the number. A woman answers, cheery and professional, and after finding out it’s his first time asks him what he’s looking for. He’s not sure, but she walks him through it, and they decide together that he’d prefer a male, larger build, and he’s open to conversation as an option. She also makes it very clear that this is a platonic cuddling session. No sex. Jensen assures her that he understands.

Before he knows it, he’s set up an appointment for Thursday, his day off, and he’s both nervous and tentatively excited.

*&*

The moment he hears the knock on the door, Jensen’s heart races, but he manages to take a breath and calm himself before opening the door.

On the other side is the most handsome man Jensen has ever seen in his life. He’s built like a superhero, with broad shoulders and large arms that Jensen’s already positive can hold him and make him feel safe, maybe calm down all the nervous energy that Jensen can never quite tamp all the way down. (Are these weird thoughts? Jensen has no idea, he just knows he wants to feel how tight this man can squeeze.)

“Hi, are you Jensen?” The man holds out his hand so Jensen places his inside, shakes, and feels himself relax a little at how warm and firm the man’s grip is.

“I am,” Jensen says with a nervous laugh.

“Awesome! Great to meet you. I’m Chris. You ready to get started?”

“I – yeah. Yeah.”

“Where would you like to sit?” Chris asks, his hand still in Jensen’s, and he places his free hand over top their fists. “Couch? Bed? Somewhere else?”

“Couch,” Jensen quickly says.

“Good.” Chris grins, and it’s just so damn perfect. Jensen has to keep reminding himself to cool it,  _ god _ , he didn’t hire a gigolo. Chris is here to do a job, to be a professional, and Jensen needs to be just as professional about this. He can’t be drooling over Chris like this.

“So, you’re new to this, right? That’s what I was told.”

Jensen nods, and Chris starts moving around the couch cushions, widening the sitting space. 

“No need to be nervous,” Chris assures him. “I’m here to do whatever is comfortable for you. And if you decide you don’t want to do this at all, we can stop anytime.”

Chris has Jensen list any ticklish or sensitive areas, and they trade information about where they do and don’t like being touched or handled. Mostly Jensen’s not sure, but Chris makes him promise to say if he doesn’t like something.

“I think the best starting position is what I like to call a ‘bear hug’,” Chris says. Something about his smile and manner makes Jensen trust him already. “With you just sitting between my thighs, facing away, and leaning back on my chest. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds great,” Jensen agrees quietly. With just a little more encouragement, Jensen slips onto his couch, nestling in front of Chris. Immediately, Chris soothes his hands down Jensen’s arms, rubbing them lightly and slowly getting Jensen to lean back, let his muscles relax and his weight just drop.

“Good.  _ Good _ ,” Chris says approvingly. “I can feel how wound up you are. Hard to let go, huh?”

“It is. Always got too much to do to just stop and… stop.”

Chris’s fingers keep brushing up and down Jensen’s bare arms, and Jensen’s eyes flutter to half-closed. He’d forgotten how good prolonged human contact feels, didn’t realize how touch-starved he’d been. When was the last time he’d even hugged someone? He hasn’t seen his family in weeks, and he’s always professional with his employees. Maybe a month? He thinks Danneel might’ve hugged him at some point, after he’d thanked her for all the extra work and offered her a raise. Yeah, that might’ve been the last time.

When Chris puts an arm across Jensen’s chest, stretching from shoulder to shoulder, Jensen can’t believe how good it feels, the solid and firm muscle pushing against his chest and shoulders.

“You okay?” Chris quietly asks. “Your pulse sped up. You still nervous?”

“Maybe a little,” Jensen admits. “But this is good.”

Warm fingers push into Jensen’s skull, petting through his hair, and Jensen feels himself relax even more against Chris’s chest.

“Do you want me to keep going? Maybe hold you along your chest and stomach?”

“Yes. Please.”

Chris’s hands just rest on Jensen’s chest for a second, bleeding warmth through Jensen’s t-shirt to his pec, fingers gently curling in and out. Letting go of Jensen’s shoulder, Chris puts both hands on Jensen’s upper body, palms rubbing circles across Jensen’s chest and stomach, fingers moving in all the perfect places to make Jensen’s muscles feel alive and vibrating.

Jensen hasn’t been this close with anyone, not since he broke up with his boyfriend. And his ex had been touchy, constantly holding and cuddling him. Jensen can’t deny that he’s missed that the most.

“I hope I’m not overstepping, but you have a nicely shaped body,” Chris murmurs, and Jensen flushes immediately. Behind him, he can feel Chris shaking as he chuckles. “Yeah, that was probably an overstep,” the man admits. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. But I mean it objectively. You’re tall but… built.”

“Thank you,” Jensen manages to answer, and he decides at that moment that he really likes Chris. In any other situation, he’d want to invite him over for beers and a game. Which was pretty much a weekly staple in his old life. But everything happening right now… it’s not quite real. Chris isn’t here to be his friend. He’s here for the hour Jensen paid for and nothing more. And that’s okay.

“You’re welcome.”

Chris has them change positions a few times, letting Jensen get a feel for them all. He has Jensen twist in his arms, lays them out sideways, and puts his arm over Jensen’s hips, shoes off but socks on, their legs entangled. It’s a strange intimacy, but Chris is so easy-going and friendly that Jensen thinks he’d let him do anything and be fine with it.

The last position has Chris with his back into the corner of the couch, Jensen laid out in his lap, his back supported by one of Chris’s arms, like a modified cradling position. He can hear and feel Chris’s heartbeat against his cheek, and he rubs his face a little, loving how firm Chris feels against him. Daringly, he draws his hand next to his face, pressing his palm flat to Chris’s chest and loving how solidly built Chris is, how hard and curved that muscle feels against his fingers.

It ends too quickly. Jensen knew it would. And then Chris is gently putting them both upright, hands trailing off Jensen’s body. He feels the loss immediately.

“Did you like it? Your first experience?” Chris asks, open and eager as they walk to the door.

Jensen nods, suddenly shy about looking Chris in the eye now. “Yeah. Thanks for… I dunno, making that easy. I thought it would be weird.”

“No, it’s not weird. It’s part of being human,” Chris says, so earnestly that Jensen doesn’t feel like he’s even being fed a company line. “I know what it’s like, I promise. And anytime, man. Please. I know what it’s like to just get too wound up and nothing helps. Call anytime. I can give you my cell number, even, if that helps.”

Honestly, there are so many parts to this that Jensen had never expected. Everything feel so strange, so intimate without being intimate. Thanking Chris, Jensen tells him it’s okay, he doesn’t know if he’ll call again, but if he does, he’ll do it through the company line. And then Chris is gone, and Jensen tries to pretend otherwise, but his apartment suddenly feels so empty again.

*&*

“Hey boss?”

Danneel taps on the open door and steps into Jensen’s office, looking hesitant.

“Yeah. What’s up?”

Her lips quirk into a wistful smile, soft and worried. “You doing okay? I wouldn’t normally ask, but you’ve been locking yourself in your office for a couple weeks, looking pretty tense. We’ve been a little worried.”

“Ah. Yeah, just a… lot of things going on. Been a bit tired.” Jensen scrubs a hand over his face, smiles up appreciatively at Danneel. “Hey, what do you think about throwing a party for the staff and family? To celebrate three successful months open? We can do it during one of our Mondays off, pull out drinks, maybe have some barbecue and music. What do you think?”

“I think it sounds great.” Danneel smiles, but there’s a soft edge to her eyes that tells Jensen she’s still worried.

“Yeah? Do you think you could set it up for me?” 

“Of course, boss. I’ll put something together by the end of the week, run it by you then.”

“Perfect.” Jensen smiles at her again, catching her eye and meaningfully adding, “I promise, I’m fine. Just need to sleep a little more. Tell everyone not to worry.”

“Okay.” She doesn’t look entirely convinced, but she gives him one of her signature quirked up smiles, reaches out to squeeze his hand, and walks out.

It’s been two weeks since Jensen has seen Chris. He doesn’t want to need it, but he does, and it’s just getting worse. God, he hates feeling… weak. But if his employees are starting to notice, it’s not being neatly swept under the rug like he’d hoped.

So he sucks up his pride and calls up again, specifically asking for Chris. Lucky for him, Chris has an opening this week, Thursday, right on his day off.

*&*

Chris has a gigantic smile for him when he opens the door, and Jensen can feel some of the tension inside already melting away. It’s almost enough just having someone here who doesn’t need or expect anything of him, just wants to make him feel good.

Chris has a sweatshirt on today, thin but soft, a clingy material that molds around his chest just right, and Jensen finds himself reaching out to brush a hand over it before he can help himself.

“Go ahead,” Chris encourages and Jensen pets it a little more along the arm. “It’s really soft. I wear it a lot when I’m out doing this. There’s just something about being in a sweatshirt that makes everything feel cozier.”

They’re both in what is essentially pajamas, Jensen having been instructed to wear soft clothes like sweatpants or pajamas before his first session. 

They end up on the couch again, Jensen inside Chris’s legs and leaned back against his chest.

“So what do you need?” Chris asks softly. “Do you want more holding? Or more touching? We haven’t talked about it, but we can go all the way down to our underwear if you want more skin-to-skin. Still platonic. But we can do that.”

“Can we do that next time?” Jensen asks, and he’s so glad he’s faced away from Chris because he can feel his face is going red. It sounds appealing but maybe too much for right now.

“Yeah.” There’s a smile in Chris’s voice which relaxes Jensen. “Of course.”

“I think… maybe about the same as last time.”

“Yeah?” Chris drags his hands inside Jensen’s arms, tips of his fingers grazing Jensen’s torso.

“That feels really good,” Jensen murmurs. One of Chris’s hands brush against the slim strip of skin on Jensen’s tummy, between his shirt and pants, and it’s so warm and good that Jensen reaches down to place his hand over Chris’s, making his hand stop and just rest against that bare strip of skin.

“I can’t go any lower,” Chris warns in a soft voice, and Jensen laughs softly.

“I really don’t want you to. But, uh, is it okay if I take off my shirt?”

Chris’s hands grabs the hem of Jensen’s shirt, pulling it up slowly. “If that’s what you want.” He hand keeps pushing Jensen’s shirt up higher, and his other hand comes around to brush against all that deliciously bare skin. His fingers jump across Jensen’s belly button then trace over Jensen’s abs, petting into bone and muscle in a way that Jensen really likes. 

When Jensen’s shirt gets pushed all the way up his shoulders, Jensen takes a moment to lift himself up, holdings his hands up and letting Chris slip the shirt off him and drop it on the floor. 

Then Chris’s hands go back to Jensen’s bare skin, pushing and kneading over Jensen’s shoulders and biceps, and Jensen flexes just to feel the push of Chris’s hands over his muscles – and, okay, because he might be a little proud of the little flexed mounds he can create. He’s slacked a little on his workout routine since moving out here, but between the manual labor of physically setting up a bar and moving inventory (he does a lot of things himself, he’s always been hands-on), his arms have only gotten stronger.

“Show off,” Chris chuckles against his ear.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Might have to ask you for some tips,” Chris teases, which makes Jensen laugh. One of Chris’s hands jump to cup Jensen’s abs, his fingers vibrating against Jensen’s shaking stomach.

“Yeah well, tip one: open a bar. Tip two: carry a fuck ton of cases of beer across the store every day.”

“You work in a bar?”

“Yep. I manage the one off of 25th and Westington.  _ The Fox Den.  _ We’ve been open about three months.”

“Oh wow. I’ve been meaning to check that out. I’ve heard good things.”

“Really?” Jensen doesn’t know why, but that pleases him, lights him up inside.

“Yeah, really.” Chris’s hands are still on Jensen’s arms, moving around to squeeze at his triceps, jumping down to wrap his hand around Jensen’s forearms. His head leans forward to hook over Jensen’s shoulder. “Hey, would you like a massage? I’ve been told I’m very good.”

Chris really doesn’t need to work that hard to sound appealing. Jensen already wants to say ‘yes’ to everything he asks.

“Sure. I’m not one to turn down a free massage.” It’s not technically free, but neither of them comment on that. Jensen lets himself be moved and flipped until he’s lying on his belly on the couch, Chris straddled around his thighs. Chris’s hands are coated in lotion that he’d brought with him in his small bag, and he rubs them together to get warm before sliding along the lines of Jensen’s back, dipping between the spine and pushing along muscle lines. It feels good, like Chris knows what he’s doing, and Jensen breathes into every movement, eyes closing as Chris kneads into Jensen’s shoulders and arms. 

“So have you only been in town for three months?” Chris asks, voice quiet. “I was kinda wondering about all the boxes.”

“Yeah. I moved here from Austin. Which is where I’ve lived all my life before this. I guess I’m not great at unpacking; I’ve never had to do it before.”

“Wow.” Chris dips to the bottom of Jensen’s spine, pushing up and out, fingers running along the lines of Jensen’s hips. “What made you move?”

“Job offer,” Jensen explains, which as far as he’s ever explained to anyone. But Chris gets quiet, his hands warm as he keeps pressing into the tight muscles of Jensen’s back, coaxing them to try to relax. “And to get away from my ex,” Jensen quietly adds, surprised at himself.

“Bad breakup?” Chris asks lightly, like he’s ready to listen or backoff, whatever Jensen wants.

“Yeah, you could say that. We were… hell, we were pretty much high school sweethearts. Played football and baseball together. Teammates and friends before… he came out to me. I trusted him, loved him, and it was good. Like. What gay teen guy in Texas finds his high school sweetheart just like that? And Stephen was a good guy. Fun, always stood up for me and anyone else on the team, everyone liked him. He was strong and kinda alpha but I liked it.”

“Sounds like it started off really good.” Chris adjusts himself a bit then lays himself down across Jensen’s back, nuzzles into Jensen’s shoulders, breathes a little warm against his skin. The weight feels good. It makes it slightly harder for Jensen to breathe, pushes his lungs tight, but he can tell it’s not Chris’s full weight, and it’s just the right amount of pressure to feel comforting, like a weighted blanket.

“It was.” Jensen breathes slowly, liking the warm pressure. “But by the time we graduated from high school it just became… all about sex. It felt like we weren’t friends anymore. And he changed. Maybe I did too, I don’t know. I broke it off and Stephen didn’t take it very well. He followed me everywhere for about a month, trying to get back together. Then he started sending me really awful texts and calling into my work when I didn’t answer my cell. I don’t know exactly what he told everyone, but he turned my friends against me, and… everything got messy and awful.”

“Fuck,” Chris breathes against his back. “That sounds… psychopathic. And just awful for you.”

“Yeah. It was.” Jensen’s throat starts to feel a little tight, and he tries to steady his breathing, trying to push back that fucking dam threatening to break. He will  _ not _ cry in front of a fucking professional cuddler. “I don’t think I want to talk anymore.”

Chris seems to understand. He slides off of Jensen then moves them around again, sitting back against the couch and then having Jensen slide sideways into his lap, facing him, head back against his chest, arms drawn in, and both of Chris’s arms wrapped tight around him. It’s like a seated hug, and Chris’s arms are tight and warm. They stay that way until the session is over. 

Much to Jensen’s chagrin, he’s got a few tears on his cheeks when he pulls away. There’s no way to hide it, and Chris just smiles understandingly, brushing them away with him thumb and leaning in to kiss both of Jensen’s wet cheeks, one at a time.

“Hey, I don’t want to presume or try to sell you something you don’t want. But I really think you should make this a weekly thing,” Chris says as he helps Jensen to his feet. “I’d set you up with a good discount, if it sounds like something you’d like to do regularly. And we could still stop anytime. It’s not like a year-long membership or anything.”

“I…” Jensen hesitates. It feels strange to set this up, to make it a real thing. He doesn’t know what he would do if anyone found out he was seeing a Professional Cuddler once a week. But then again, he’s not sure he’s got many people left whose opinions he cares about anymore. “I’d like that,” he finally finishes. Once again, Chris beams.

“Awesome. Okay. Don’t call the company until I get there so I can adjust rates. Thursdays at three seem to be working out for you. You wanna keep it that day and time?”

Jensen nods, and Chris pulls out his card, writes something on the back and hands it over. 

“This is my personal cell. Please feel free to use it if you… need anything. If you wanna set up more time or… just chat on the phone. Okay?”

“Um. Sure. Okay.” Jensen takes it, unsure what Chris is offering. But he knows he wants to keep doing this. 

*&*

A couple days later, Jensen’s in his office, looking through invoices and trying to figure out if they’d been charged twice for some electrical wiring work, when Danneel comes in.

“Alright, I think I’ve got your party figured out,” she says cheerily. Happily, Jensen sets the paperwork aside.

“Awesome. Tell me what you’ve got.”

“I reserved some catering and good food, got your favorite band to agree to play some sets, and we’ll fill up some buckets with ice so we can have serve-yourself beer.”

“Yeah, sounds great to me. Everyone else on board?”

“I think they will be,” she says confidently. “Three weeks from Monday sound good?”

“Sure. Let everyone know?”

“Of course!” Grinning, she puts away whatever notes she’d made and walks to the door. “Oh, also, boss? You seem happier the past couple days. Nice to see you looking relaxed.” Jensen smiles in return and Danneel blows him a kiss as she walks out.

About half an hour later, his cellphone goes off with an unfamiliar number flashing. Jensen doesn’t usually answer, but he’s still got a few vendors who use his cell because it’s been up longer than his office number, and he slides the answer button on.

“Hello?”

“Jensen?”

His heart pounds harder because he recognizes that voice, and he finds himself smiling in response. “Chris. Hi.”

“Hey! Just wanted to see how you’re doing, big guy. I’m sure I’m jumping the gun, it’s only been a couple days. But I had someone wanting to schedule for your usual time and I wanted to check in with you first.”

“Oh.” The thought of not being able to see Chris this week throws Jensen off balance, and he briefly berates himself for not just setting up a standing appointment when he had a chance.

“Hey, uh, look, I actually had another idea,” Chris says, and oddly enough, he sounds a little nervous.

“What’s that?”

“I was wondering if maybe we could set something up for later that night. Maybe do an overnight visit.”

“You’d be spending the night?” Jensen says, just to wrap his head around the concept. “Is – would that be expensive?” 

“I would be there the whole night,” Chris confirms. “And yeah, it costs more. But I’ll tell you what, consider this me trying to woo you back to our service. It’ll be the normal flat fee, nothing more. Again, sorry if this is overstepping boundaries. I just tend to have a sense about people.”

Jensen’s quiet, uncertain, and after a moment Chris cuts back in.

“Please say ‘yes’,” he says, so bright and coaxing, and Jensen finds himself smiling and saying “yes”, just like that.

*&*

“Still wanna do this without clothes?” Chris asks when he’s settled onto Jensen’s couch, looking so comfortable and relaxed that Jensen’s almost jealous. Before Chris had shown up, Jensen had been watching a game, Cowboys vs. Steelers, and Chris had told him to keep it on when he’d come in, so the silence isn’t completely awkward when Jensen pauses to consider.

“It can be both of us. Or just you or just me,” Chris says, still looking completely at ease.

“Yeah. I think I still want to,” Jensen answers after a beat, and Chris just nods and starts pulling off his t-shirt and sweats. The moment his pants are tossed aside, Jensen grins, unable to help himself because Chris has got on American flag boxer briefs, strips stretching around his ass and the crotch covered in stars. He grins unashamedly at Jensen, wiggling is hips a little on the couch.

“Man you’re uh, patriotic,” Jensen says with a smirk.

“Hell yeah I am,” Chris agrees. He motions Jensen over, who quickly slips off his pajamas and t-shirt, revealing plain black boxer briefs. He slides right into Chris who has his arm flung open, pulling Jensen tight against him.

“So are you an All-American Boy™?” Jensen teases. “Don’t tell me. Captain of the football team, voted MVP every year, went to prom with the head cheerleader?”

Chris throws back his head and laughs, his hand swinging in to lightly slap into Jensen’s chest, pressing firm and tight while doubling over, and Jensen can’t help laughing along.

“Ah, you’re half right,” Chris admits. “Made captain my senior year. Took Jessica Ibsen, Senior Class President, to prom, but I made out with Ryan Stan at the after party.”

“Aww, say it ain’t so, Cap,” Jensen says with a smile. “Did you break Jessica’s heart?”

“Nah. We were friends. Her boyfriend broke up with her a week before, so it was a friend date. Super cute prom pictures, though.”

There’s nowhere else to brace himself, so Jensen ends up placing his hand on Chris’s thigh. God, it’s firm. He can feel the muscle delineations under the span of his palm and fingers, and he squeezes just a little.

“I was wondering when you’d feel comfortable enough to touch back,” Chris says, sounding pleased. “You’re welcome to go anywhere I’ve got bare skin.” His eyes flick up a little, and he nods to the TV. “Your boys doing well? They’re up right now.”

“Eh, it’s a decent season,” Jensen says, and he lets his hand slide up and down, just a little, because he’s never touched such toned and strong thighs before. “They could use some better leadership though. Getting killed in the offense.”

While they talk, Chris keeps brushing his hands around Jensen’s arms, squeezing occasionally, and Jensen flexes a few times, feels Chris chuckle in response.

“Hey, I think I’m gonna grab a beer,” Jensen says. “You want one?”

“I probably shouldn’t,” Chris says wryly. “But if you bring me one, it would be rude to turn it down.”

Hopping up from the couch, Jensen grabs a six-pack from the fridge and puts it on the coffee table in front of them. He pops off a top for Chris and hands it over before getting one for himself.

“Drink up, Cap,” Jensen says with a wink before climbing into Chris’s lap. He’s definitely in love with this, how safe and comfortable he feels. Chris reaches around Jensen’s hips, resting a palm on Jensen’s stomach, his hand heavy and strong.

“Do you wanna just do this for a while?” Chris asks, thumb moving against Jensen’s abs. “We’ve got plenty of time tonight. We can just be close for right now.”

“I do.” Jensen tucks himself more into Chris, smiling. “It’s nice. I’ve missed this.” Quietly, “Thank you.”

“Oh god. Of course,” Chris says, and he squeezes Jensen harder. “You know this is nice for me, too, right?”

Blushing, Jensen ducks his head down, takes a swig of his beer and lets his head rest on Chris’s shoulder. His scruff is a little thicker than normal today, and Jensen wishes he could rub his cheeks against it. But he doesn’t dare. It doesn’t seem like something that would be allowed.

Chris teases Jensen anytime the Cowboys have a shaky play, although Jensen defends them, laughing when Chris tries to bring up Romo, and tells him to let the past lie. Not everyone gets a Tom Brady.

Chris still gets really into the game, which Jensen loves. Arms pumping over his head when there’s an exciting play, yelling at the screen when the ref makes a bad call.

When Prescott manages to break free and run forty yards to make a successful touchdown, Jensen’s on his feet, cheering loudly, and Chris is right behind him. Luckily, both their beers, seconds for the night, are on the side table or they probably would have ended up spilled over them. While Jensen is still fist pumping, Chris is all over him, bringing his arms around Jensen and hugging him tight from behind. “Damn good play!” Chris says, laughing, and Jensen closes his eyes and lets himself enjoy the pressure of being pulled so tight and close. When Chris lets go, Jensen makes a small noise, hardly aware of making it, high and embarrassing.

Gently, Chris turns him around, eyes questioning.

“You ok? Was that too hard?”

“No! No, it…” Jensen swallows hard, thinking, then decides he wants it too much. “Can you do it again? Holding me really tight?”

“Of course.” Chris smiles softly. “C’mere.”

Chris tucks Jensen against his chest, hands spanned across his lower and upper back so he can squeeze, tight and hard, and Jensen lets himself just rest there, deepening and slowing his breath down. He hasn’t been this calm in months. Maybe years.

Hard, solid muscle is surrounding him, which is incidental to the moment but not lost on Jensen. Mostly, Jensen just needs the contact, the pressure. But he has to admit, he loves that it’s there, everything so toned and thick. Chris is just so damn beautiful.

Chris doesn’t really let go so much as he drops into the couch and takes Jensen with him, curling up Jensen’s legs so that Chris has as many contact points as possible. When their muscles start to cramp up, Jensen slides off Chris’s lap but lays against his shoulder, Cap’s arm thrown behind him. Jensen finishes up the rest of the 6-pack while snuggling into Chris’s side, feeling good and maybe a little tipsy.

When the game ends shortly after that, Jensen mumbles, “Can we go to bed now?”

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.”

“Mmmhmm.”

He leans against Chris as they make their way to the bedroom, stopping into the bathroom to piss, brush their teeth, and, at Chris’s insistence, grab some water. 

Pulling back the covers, Chris helps Jensen into bed then slips next to him, looking soft and perfect.

“Hey, Cap?” Jensen says, and Chris grins, looking amused at his new nickname.

“Yeah?”

“Is it hard doing this when you’re… just unbelievably beautiful?”

Chris chuckles. “You’re drunk.”

“No.” Jensen shakes his head and looks Chris in the eye. “A little tipsy, yeah. But I don’t know how you… can be this close with different people all week and not have all trying to do things against company policy.”

“It happens sometimes,” Chris admits. “I can take care of myself, though. I’ve had to leave a few people mid-session. But it doesn’t happen as much as you’d think.”

“Hmm.” Jensen nods, still stuck on how pretty Chris is. He must say that outloud because Chris grins, reaches out to grab Jensen’s fist, and brings it up to his lips for a soft kiss.

“Is that allowed?” Jensen asks quietly.

“Not strictly speaking. But I wanted to and I thought you’d be okay with it.”

“I am.” Boldly, Jensen reaches out a finger to trace Chris’s mouth, where it’s still a little wet from kissing his fist. “I’d be okay with more, too.”

Chris’s eyes search Jensen’s, maybe looking to see how serious, how close to sober, he is. Jensen can feel his heart pressing into his ribs. He wants this too much; wants to get his mouth along all the muscles and skin his hands have already felt.

“I want that too,” Chris admits. For a moment, his suave confidence drops, leaving him nervous and uncertain. He reaches out to put a hand on Jensen’s hip like he’s grounding himself. “If you… want that, I can. I’d be acting independently, no longer as an employee of my company.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Jensen says, lips quirked up. Alcohol always makes him so much bolder. “Your company is absolved of all culpability. You gonna kiss me or not?”

The words barely leave Jensen’s lips before Chris pushes himself against Jensen, leg thrown over his, hand behind his neck and his mouth hot and wet. It’s so easy to get lost in this, to sink into how strong Chris presses against him, how thick his thigh feels against Jensen’s hip. So Jensen does.

He can hear the soft huffs and chirps he’s making, but he doesn’t particularly care. Instead, he tilts his head so Chris can drag his teeth up the side of his neck, eyes fluttering when Chris starts nibbling.

“I’ve wanted to do that from the moment we met,” Chris admits, pulling back for a second, and Jensen sighs back into his lips, so happy and on board with this.

It should embarrass Jensen how much he wants this, sliding himself over Chris so he’s straddled around his hips and sitting on top. If he wasn’t so touch-starved and needy, he might be ashamed of himself, but Jensen can’t seem to make himself stop, not when he’s got permission.

His mouth slides down Chris’s chest, and he can feel Chris’s hands on his shoulders, squeezing in encouragement as Jensen kisses across his pecs, nuzzles across the dusting of hair between, and sucks bruises into his perfect abs and cut hips.

“Wanted to feel your mouth on me since forever,” Chris admits. “I tried to stop, never thought about that with a client before. But. I like you.”

Jensen smiles against Chris’s skin, kisses the edge of his hip then nuzzles his cheek into warm skin and looks up at Chris.

“I like you too.”

Reaching down, Chris takes Jensen’s arm in his hand and tugs him up so he can give him frantic, heated kisses. They starts around Jensen’s cheeks, across his nose and up his chin until Chris finally presses into Jensen’s mouth, so hot and needy that Jensen shakes a little from it. Chris’s hands go around Jensen’s back, soothing up and down, occasionally cupping the back of Jensen’s head while he keeps kissing hard and deep.

“What do you want?” Chris says, pulling away just an inch, breath panting warm against Jensen’s worn mouth. “Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”

“This.” Jensen gives Chris a crooked smile then pecks him quickly on the mouth, so filled with happiness that he thinks he might burst. “Just this, Cap. It’s perfect.”

A wide grin spreads across Chris’s face. “Ok. Good.”

The adrenaline’s faded a little, replaced with a happy calm as Cap turns Jensen in his arms to spoon from behind. One of Chris’s wide palms rest on Jensen’s stomach, thumb rubbing against the ridge of a muscle, and Jensen reaching in to place his own hand over Chris’s.

He falls asleep with the warm feel of being in Chris’s arms, snuggled in tight.

*&*

When Jensen cracks his eyes open in the morning, he’s a little panicked, thinking that Chris is gone, missing the heat of his body. But then he turns around and finds the man awake and staring at him with a soft smile.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

Jensen makes a whining sound and lets his head fall back into the pillow.

Grinning wide, Chris leans in to kiss Jensen, brushing his lips across Jensen’s, scruff sliding against scruff as Chris nuzzles in then pulls away. “Not a morning person, huh?”

Jensen’s incoherent mumbling seems answer enough, and Chris helps pull him out of bed and promises to get Jensen some coffee in him. When Jensen manages to tell Chris about the coffeeshop two blocks down, Chris bundles Jensen up in warm clothes then grabs his hand and they walk out.

“Jay, huh?” Chris says, and Jensen blinks at him in confusion until Chris points to his coffee cup where the barista had scribbled “Jay” across the side. 

“Oh. Yeah,” Jensen says, able to crack a small smile now that he’s got a third of his coffee down. “Much easier for them to spell and hear.”

“It suits you.”

Jensen doesn’t know why, but it makes him flush a little, ducking his head to take a long sip of coffee while Chris smiles at him.

“Hey…” Chris’s voice goes soft, and he reaches out to slide his hand into Jensen’s. “Should we talk about what happened?”

Jensen’s heart flutters nervously, and he looks down at where Chris is brushing his thumb over the back of Jensen’s wrist, soft and soothing.

“We um… yeah. Maybe we should.”

“Ok.” Chris looks just as uncomfortable as Jensen feels, although he manages to look gorgeous while doing so. “Well, I’ve been a little bit in love you with since that first session. Which I hope doesn’t scare you. And I don’t know if you’re ready for a relationship, but I’d like to be with you in whatever capacity you want.” He stops to study Jensen for a moment then, chuckling, adds, “And you’d never have to pay for cuddling again.”

He looks so adorable, eyes so wide and sincere, and Jensen finds himself melting. 

“I’m so worried that I’m using you,” Jensen admits. “This has been the lowest point of my life. And you’re… so perfect and kind and, well,  _ hot– _ ” Chris grins “–and I don’t want you to just bring you down...” 

He trails off because Chris is frowning and shaking his head.

“Hey, things are hard all over,” he says softly. “I mean, believe me. Business has been up. Which isn’t necessarily a good thing. There’s so many people hurting, and sometimes I’m one of them. You’re not using me.”

Jensen finds his throat too constricted to talk for a moment, and he just shakes his head, trying not to cry in a coffee shop. God, when did he get like this? “Good,” he finally says quietly, and then he feels Chris’s hand on his cheek, cupping him softly.

Somehow he manages to not cry, but just barely. 

They leave soon after that because, Chris says with a smile, he wants to kiss Jensen and doesn’t think Jensen would appreciate the audience right now.

They kiss in Jensen’s doorway after Chris gets his things. They’ve both got work to get to, and Chris apparently has a dog waiting at his sister’s. But Chris takes his time, presses Jensen into the doorframe and kisses Jensen breathless, tongue sofly petting, hands roaming across Jensen’s arms and back.

“God, I love your mouth,” Chris says in a reverent hush.

“I love your… everything,” Jensen dizzily responds. Then, before Chris can leave, before Jensen can think, he blurts out, “Do you wanna come with me to a work thing? We’re throwing a party to celebrate a successful three-month mark. Free beer, free entertainment, good people. It’s next Monday.”

Pure sunshine radiates from Chris’s smile. “Absolutely. Count me in!”

“Great.” Jensen can’t stop grinning, swoops in to kiss Chris one more time, quick and warm. “I’ll… call you soon, okay.”

“Good.” And then Chris finally has to go, and he squeezes Jensen’s arm happily. “See ya, Jay.”

“Bye, Cap.”

*&*

Jensen’s a bit nervous to bring Chris to the party. His employees don’t know much about his personal life, which was partially because he hadn’t had much of a personal life lately. 

Chris charms everyone right away, bright as a beacon when he laughs (which is pretty often). Jensen’s content sitting next to him, Chris’s arm slung over his shoulders, knees touching. Every so often, Chris reaches a hand over to squeeze at Jensen’s thigh.

The band takes their break over at Jensen’s table, plates of barbeque and glasses of good beer in front of them. Jensen’s excited to talk sets lists and music; he hasn’t really had a chance to just hang with them before.

“You play anything?” Rob, the lead singer asks, and Jensen grins wryly.

“I play the guitar a bit,” he admits, but Danneel cuts in.

“He’s amazing,” she says. “Got a voice on him too. Don’t let that modesty fool you.”

“You wanna come up and join us?” Rob offers, and Jensen tries to shake his head, but Danneel’s already protesting and Chris looks interested.

“C’mon, boss,” she wheedles. “Just one. We’re all friends here, no judgment. We promise.” 

“I’d love to hear you,” Chris encourages. “You wanna go up there, Jay?”

Jensen hesitates, weighing everything in his mind. But he’s got Chris’s hand on his back and a couple glasses of good beer in him, both of which make him brave. So he goes up.

He used to play for his friends and family all the time, although even in a small crowd it had been intimidating. But he loves music, loves being part of a group, and he tries to swallow back the apprehension and focus on the adrenaline and excitement.

“Great choice,” Billy says when Jensen points out his choice from the book, and Jensen smiles wryly as he walks up to the mic, the band already starting the intro.

As soon as he starts singing, he can hear his employees clapping and whistling, and it makes him grin, wider than any of them have probably ever seen. He keeps his eyes above the crowd, not focusing on any of the specific people and letting himself get lost in the music. By the time he gets to the chorus, however, he peeks over to where Chris is and sees him grinning wider and clapping harder than anyone else.

_ “You’re as smooth as Tennessee Whiskey. You’re as sweet as strawberry wine…” _

Honestly, for the first time in almost a year, Jensen feels like things are going to be okay. Maybe even more than okay. 


End file.
